In the latest from the Annals of Not Getting the Joke, the New York Times reports:A Delaware man has been charged with faking his way into Harvard and duping the university out of $45,000 in financial aid, grants and scholarships. Adam Wheeler, 23, of Milton, Del., was admitted to Harvard and became a student in 2007 after he falsely claimed he had earned a perfect academic record at Phillips Academy in Andover and had studied for a year at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, prosecutors said Monday. Harvard started to look into Mr. Wheeler’s background after he sought the university’s endorsement for Rhodes and Fulbright scholarships. He was indicted on 20 offenses, including larceny, identity fraud and pretending to hold a degree. He was arrested Monday by Massachusetts authorities and scheduled for arraignment Tuesday in Middlesex Superior Court. He was trying to transfer to Yale and Brown when he got caught, District Attorney Gerry Leone of Middlesex County said. Before attending Harvard, Mr. Wheeler was a student at Bowdoin College in Maine from 2005-7, but was suspended for academic dishonesty, the authorities said.This case is just more evidence that Congress must pass Comprehensive Admission Reform granting a Path to Scholarship for the likes of poor Mr. Wheeler.
Harvard must grant Mr. Wheeler amnesty and allow family reunification, admitting all the other budding con-men in his extended family. Think of the children!
Speaking of children, any children he has fathered while at Harvard should be given, by interpretation of the 14th Amendment, birthright admission to Harvard.
The obvious solution to the problem of undocumented studiers is to legalize all of them. If the demand for Harvard educations exceeds the supply, then Harvard should simply increase its class size until every person in the world who wants to be Harvard student is one. Problem solved!
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